What a week

"And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done."

This whole week has been difficult for me. Has life gotten any worse? No, in fact, it's gotten a lot better. There are so many things to look forward to and so many productive things to do. Yet, my state of mind has been in the land of pessimism. Instead of being guided by the spirit, I have been dragged by Satan's angels to feel this way and that way about life; making molehills into mountains and falling apart over the smallest things. I have felt my life has become clouded, and my priorities have become hard to see.

Today's Easter Devotional helped take those clouds away. The beautiful music that was heard throughout it was just what I needed to feel uplifted from my miserable state. I fell into (another) breakdown when my dear friend Austin sang a solo of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives". Throughout the week, I have been wondering where God was in my life, and why things had become so difficult, even simple daily work. I have distanced myself from my God, and my family, and it has led me to fall back into depression, Satan laughing at my folly all the way.

There was something about this song that took those clouds of darkness away. Just skim the lyrics:

I know that my Redeemer lives!
What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, he lives, who once was dead;
He lives, my ever living head!

 

He lives to bless me with his love;
He lives to plead for me above;
He lives my hungry soul to feed;
He lives to help in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply;
He lives to guide me with his eye;
He lives to comfort me when faint;
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears;
He lives to wipe away my tears;
He lives to calm my troubled heart;
He lives all blessings to impart.

He lives, my kind, wise, heavenly friend;
He lives and loves me to the end;
He lives, and while he lives, I’ll sing;
He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King!

He lives and grants me daily breath;
He lives, and I shall conquer death;
He lives my mansion to prepare;
He lives to bring me safely there.

He lives, all glory to his name!
He lives, my Savior, still the same;
  Oh sweet, what joy this sentence gives:
I know that my Redeemer lives!

 It helped me get the message: He lives! He is there "to help in time of need", "to hear my soul's complaint", "to wipe away my tears", "my mansion to prepare". The heavens have remained silent for me all week, though I've desired guidance from above, I guess I wasn't really listening for it; I was too busy worrying. The spirit fell upon me as I heard this hymn written for me like a tidal wave.

I know that my Redeemer lives. He is there, and will strengthen me throughout the rest of this school year. I can do it! I do not need to focus on my to-do list as much. I should read up Uchdorf's talk about "slowing down" again from last year. Focus instead on listening to the spirit and doing what I know is right. I don't need to be hard on myself for being imperfect, because bashing my head against the wall is not going to make it easier to think, so to speak. If I calm down, put away my weapons of rebellion (again), I know that my Redeemer can guide me to accomplish the goals HE has for me.