Discourse of Chaos I

"The more intricately organized an event is, the more likely the event will result in chaos." -Calvin Jarvis' Chaos Theory.

Now, I'm not too sure if what cousin Calvin said is 100% correct, but I do feel that this week's attempts of rigid organization have ended in failure. Epic failure.

I need to develop balance on the Rock of my Redeemer or I'm not going to get anywhere. I've decided to start studying He Did Deliver Me From Bondage. That's the book that the church uses in its addiction recovery program. I think all human beings are addicted to something. For me, it's being lazy. I have been a sloth all of my life, and to get out of the bondage of this habit I must take it to the Lord. I would recommend the book to anyone.

On a happier note, I got to have a wonderful gospel discussion with Fa yesterday after mutual. It felt so great! She wanted to know more about the Holy Ghost after the fireside that we went to last Sunday. And so I told her Joseph Smith's story, and she seemed pretty interested in it. She had a lot of questions, and even more after we were done with our chat, so we decided that she list questions that she had about the church and that we would talk again next Sunday. I am so greatful that I have been given this missionary opportunity and that I am able to help Fa learn about her Father's plan for her.

Today it came upon me as I was reading a friend's blog why Math is my weakest school subject: For over 4 years, NO ONE HAS BEEN CHECKING MY WORK. Many a time I have decided to not even do the assignment or only do a few questions, assuming that I already understood the subject. I am almost certain that I will never go into a job that requires advanced math education, but still. I will not be able to function in this modern world the way I want to unless I beef up the part of my brain that does math. It's time I took it seriously.

I love veterans. I am so greatful for their service in serving my country and for all of those who protect the freedom that is given to me on a silver platter. I don't even understand the price that was paid for the liberty that I am blessed to have in this country, but for it, I thank all who have suffered, worked, and died for it. Thank you.

Tonight I plan on going to GPH's production of Fiddler On The Roof. I am really excited! My friend Jerod is in it, and has been reminding us a lot about it in seminary lately.

The voice in my head continues to remind me of one of Pres. Uchdorf's talks from last Gen. Conference. To add to his ideas about speed bumps and turbulence, I would like to add another analogy that goes with it. When walking in darkness, people shouldn't speed up their pace. They should slow down and feel around to make sure they don't run into anything. This is the state that I am symbolically in how. I want to run fast and do a lot, but I feel like I'm living in the dark. I'm still looking for the light switch, and I am certain that I will find it eventually. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me." -David.

Well, I guess a light switch isn't the right way to put it. I doubt that I will get over my character faults in an instant, like switching on a light switch. No, I suppose it's just something that will take time. "Line upon line, precept upon precept."

I don't need to go faster. I need to believe more, ask more, and receive more.